For richer for poorer, till death do us part

Like most people I suspect, the two things that I fear the most are the loss of my children and my husband – losing either would turn my world upside down. The very idea of some terrible happening to my family is something that doesn’t even bear thinking about. Yet I do. Probably far more than is considered rational or even remotely healthy.

Don’t lie to me

Any parent worth their weight in low sodium salt would probably agree that children should be brought knowing it’s wrong to lie. Especially to their parents. But teaching this particular right from wrong can be tricky, especially when trying to push the message home to your child often entails telling a whole range of elaborate and complicated lies to begin with.

There’s no such place as perfection

Lots of people want to know, what’s life in Perth really like? Is it all blue skies, suntan cream and sandy beaches? Is everyone as ‘happy as Bruce’ and do the kangaroos all smile and wave you on your way as you speed off to work your 5 hour day? In a word, and a very short one at that, NO.

A bad case of wind

Most days it’s wet and windy, and there isn’t a long enough break between the rain to even take the dog to the park. I did try yesterday, but I had to flatten myself around a tree trunk as soon as I got there, and then wait for the horizontal rain to give up and go away.

Educational rubbish

I cleared out our mailbox earlier, and as usual, there was a good half a tree trunk of junk mail in there. The usual stuff. All of which went straight into the bin. The recycling bin that is.

Reality strikes, and it’s pretty dumb

But oh my God, most of the vain little prima donnas on the shows apparently fell right out of the nearest stupid tree, hitting each and every branch on the way down.

Planes, trains & watery accidents

It’s always hard to know how your children will react to leaving the ground in a vacuum packed can, and then see the ground disappear beneath the clouds. My son wasn’t amused. At all. Watching the aeroplanes through the terminal window – great fun. Walking down the air-slip onto the plane – not so fun. Sitting in his seat for take off – simply not going to happen.

So what does he call out in a desperate bid for freedom? “Poo Mummy”.

A spot of colonic – doggy style

Now no one ever said being a dog owner was a glamorous affair, but even I didn’t envisage the day I would find myself out in the garden at night, giving Charlie a colonic.

Drunk Aussie booted out of UK

So Andrew Symonds, the Australian cricketer best known (aside from his skills with a bat and ball) for sporting rather dirty looking dreads and white lipstick has been sent home from the UK in disgrace.

I’m sniffing, I must have Swine Flu

Call me completely irresponsible, but my daughter needs to learn and I need to work, so she’s not camping out in front of the TV all winter with a box of tissues. She’s had a flu jub and can wear a face mask if need be. So unless she suddenly grows a curly tail and starts to squeal, she is going to keep going to school.