Raining Cats, Dogs and Maltesers

Mother Nature wasn’t very happy yesterday. In fact, I’d go as far as to say she was pretty pissed off. If I was a guy I’d probably say it was a case of PMT, but I’m not, so I’ll just hazard a guess and say she was having one hell of a bad hair day.

Whatever the reason, Ms Nature certainly gave 2 fingers up to anyone in Perth who’s been moaning about the weather. Or more specifically, the 40 degrees of constant heat with not a drop of rain since November.

Now I do appreciate that to people in wetter isles, England lets say, the idea of nearly 5 months without rain might seem like something of a dream. But let me tell you, it’s not. When a total lack of precipitation is teamed up with temperatures more suited to melting iron ore, it can make for some pretty uncomfortable living. Not to mention a rather dry, dusty, brown and monotonous landscape.

So that said, I think it would be quite safe to assume that rather a lot of people in Perth (and some extremely dehydrated plants) were rather looking forward to the dry spell breaking. And break it did. With bells on.

With barely enough time to drag the dog through the fly screen, the blue sunny sky disappeared and the hailstones arrived. Hailstones the size of Maltesers, pouring out of the sky so fast you’d think God had accidently left his freezer door open, and a passing angel had carelessly tipped it over. We were lucky only to get Maltesers, in the city they were apparently the size of golf balls.

Then came the rain. Or should I say the downpour, pelting in at us from at every angle but up. Within minutes our garden was several inches under water, and there was, what could only be described, as a flash flood going past the end of our drive.

Being me, of course I tried to take some photos of the hailstones stacking up 9 inches deep at our back door. But the moment I opened the door to take the picture, the bloody dog shot off into the garden. How stupid is he? He see’s, what to him must have looked like a Noah’s Ark moment, and he still decides to go out for a quick dig in the sand.

Needless to say once he went out I refused to let him, or his soggy wet fur, back in again. He may be of the non-smelling variety of pooches, but even a soaking wet Spoodle has something of a whiff about it. So I hardened my heart and held my resolve – right up until the point where my daughter stood sobbing at the window, looking down at a pathetic excuse for a fur ball, trying to pin himself flat against the wall with his damp ears plastered around his snout. Two clean towels and a vigorous blow dry later and he was back inside and on the rug. I hope he’s learned his lesson, that nothing is worth the pain of a dig in the hail.

Dumb dogs aside, in the sort of weather that heralds the start of Armageddon the average person normally chooses to stay indoors, steer clear of windows and turn up the TV. Sadly I’m not average, so I grabbed the car keys, swam to the car and set off with oars at the ready.

Of course as the sky turned pitch black overhead and the odd branch blew past like tumbleweed, it did cross my mind that this might not be the most sensible decision in the world. But really I had no choice. My son, who isn’t partial to loud noises and the car wash at the best of times, was stranded at his nursery 8 minutes down the road. Even if he’d had the foresight to take his water wings with him that day, I very much doubted he’d have managed the journey alone.

“The clouds are very angry” he told me, over and over all the way home.

My poor husband arrived back quite a bit later than usual that night.  Something to do with me having his car, the train tracks being flooded, every cab being taken and the buses being fit to burst. I’m not sure it necessarily helped, when I pointed out that if he had had his car that day, he’d no doubt still be stuck in the bumper-to-bumper traffic, as the world and their wet dog struggled to leave work.

Needless to say the news teams and anchormen (I would be P.C. and say anchorwoman, but all the women sound like men anyway) were practically salivating with joy on the TV last night. Finally, something worth reporting in Perth that didn’t involve a drunken AFL player, a misplaced kangaroo and a runaway shopping trolley on the freeway.

As I know I’m rather prone to the odd bit of exaggeration (creative license and all), I’ve added the pictures below to show that for once, Perth really did have something happen to get excited about.

lylyl

Crimefighting 101

In the papers this week were two stories, which when read side by side, demonstrated that the world of law and order has indeed gone stark raving bonkers, and Mr Common Sense has obviously packed up his bags and left the police force.

First we have Miss Kausar, a farmer’s daughter in India. She went to her father’s aide when Pakistani militants broke into their home and started beating him with sticks. They had demanded food and beds for the night, and he had bravely (or stupidly, depending on which way you look at it) said no. Obviously having inherited the brave gene, Miss Kausar came out from under the bed and struck her father’s attacker with an axe. She then used his own AK47 to finish him off.

Next in the news we have Renate Bowling, a 71-year-old great-grandmother from Thornton Cleveleys in the UK. She went to her own aide, when an intellectually challenged member of the British youth threw stones at her window. Intending to give the yob a piece of her mind, she bravely (or stupidly, depending on which way you look at it) set off in hot pursuit and then prodded him in the chest as she told him what she thought of him.

In India, Miss Kausar was commended by the police for her act of bravery. She has been hailed a national hero and nominated for the President’s gallantry award.

In the UK, Mrs Bowling was arrested by police and charged with assault. She had to use her climbing frame to climb up into the dock and then plead guilty to the charges. She also had to pay £50 costs.

And the moron who threw the stones in the first place? Unbelievably, even though he left bruises on Mrs Bowling wrists, these were put down to ‘self-defense’ and he got off scott free.

Seriously? What is scarier? That the police saw fit to believe the sniveling little oik, and then shoved Grandma into the back of the van. Or that the magistrates, who are supposed to be in possession of a fully functioning brain, laid the blame squarely at a pensioners stocking clad feet.

It seems the days of wearing pants on the outside of your trousers and trying to defend yourself or your property are obviously well and truly over.

I remember about 15 years ago when we were living in Zimbabwe, our family home was broken into. The local police came to see us, and, if memory serves me rightly, said that next time if we were to see the intruders, we were to shoot them, drag them inside the house and then call the police. To my knowledge we didn’t even own a gun at that time, but there was the nice police man not only giving us permission to have one, he was also telling us we should be using one.

In the UK these days however, it seems the police really do seem to be showing just how little the ‘victim’ actually matters anymore.

They failed to put a stop to the Simmons ‘family from hell’, before they drove Fiona Pilkington to such depths of despair that she saw no way out, other than to burn herself and her daughter to death in their own car.

They also advised a mother in Warwickshire NOT to report a thug who had kicked in the front door and attacked her in her own home. Why? Because it might ‘inflame the situation’. Okay then. And there was us all being led to believe that the police were there to take the reports and then do something about them. Is that not why they get to waste tax payers money on their overpriced designer sunglasses and flashy top of the range cars in the first place?

It just wasn’t like that back in the days of Juliet Bravo – they got the job done. As did Cagney and Lacey, Starsky and Hutch and good old Edward Woodward in The Equalizer. And as for The A Team. Well, they could bring down an entire army with nothing more than a tractor, a sling shot and a basket of cabbages.

The police force today, it seems, can no longer even bring down the person who’s actually on the wrong side of the law.

sgasrgsarg

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