Do record GCSE results mean kids are getting cleverer?

All morning news has been coming in that it’s been yet another record-breaking year for GCSE results. In fact, the pass rate has risen for the 24th consecutive year since the exams were first taken in 1988. Why does that not come as a surprise?

No disrespect to all those happy teenagers (mainly girls it seems) who are currently basking in the glow of their multiple A* passes, but these ever-improving grades simply show that surely exams must have got easier over the last couple of decades. It’s either that or kids are getting brighter year-on-year, and let’s be honest, why would that be very likely.

You only have to hear many of them speak – or not, as the case may be – to know that this is not a generation where all teenagers come with a staggering IQ or an unusually high grasp on politics, current affairs, the English language, history, world geography or even basic common sense. But this is hardly surprising.

Generation Y is one that has grown up with a rather unhealthy obsession towards body size, fame, fashion and endless low-life celebrities. It’s a generation who seems to believe that 5 minutes of fame on the TV or a few hits on YouTube will automatically equate to a gilded life free from work. It’s a generation who spend 99% of their time physically attached to a mobile or laptop and experience genuine withdrawal symptoms if unable to access Twitter or check their Facebook feed. It’s a generation who have all but obliterated good grammar and basic spelling from the English language, just to ensure it’s quicker and easier to text.

So when those in charge of all things ‘education and exams’ rubbish claims that exam questions are being dumbed down and expectations lowered, or in the case of  Andy Burnham – Labour’s Shadow Education Secretary – claim that “Exams are not getting easier; young people are working harder than ever before” you know it’s all a load of tosh.

Go back 20 years and those sitting GCSEs – the incredibly smart kids included – simply weren’t achieving the ‘record breaking’ 13 A* grades that so many now seem to get. So does that mean we were all dimmer back then or just didn’t try quite so hard? Hardly. If anything we had far more time on our hands to get the work done and a lot more motivation to pass.

We were a generation without celebrity lifestyles to emulate and affordable fashion to religiously follow. We were a generation without mobiles, computers, social networking and trash TV. We were a generation who knew that the only realistic way to earn any money once leaving school was through plain hard work.

And on top of all that, the subjects that we had to study were restricted to the traditional (harder) academic ones such as foreign languages, science and humanities. Of course we may not have actually enjoyed these subjects we were forced to choose from but at least we all covered the basics: the monarchy that shaped this country; the wars which changed the world; the geological forces that formed the planet; the human biology that keeps us reproducing; and those all essential language skills which enable us to ask directions to the nearest railway station when lost in La Rochelle.

Today students are turning their backs on these subjects. Why? Because they find them ‘boring’ and ‘completely irrelevant’. The truth is they also find them a little bit too much like hard work. After all, why waste your time learning about rivers and volcanoes or trying to memorise the periodic table when instead you can pass the time getting better grades in music, drama and P.E? Nothing against those subjects I hasten to add, but at school we covered them in addition to our other lessons, we didn’t plump for an ‘A’ in recorder and a ‘B’ in advanced trampoline.

Of course those in charge of ‘education and exams’ will once again claim these vocational subjects are more geared up to the job market today. But how can it be better to miss out on so much? If students aren’t learning a broad range of subjects at this age how can they possibly emerge into the workplace with a well-rounded education?

Surely that’s the whole point of school isn’t it? As far as I was aware, all those years spent stuck behind a desk were never intended to be a walk in the park or as enjoyable as a day out at Alton Towers. School was meant to be a place where children filled their sponge-like minds with as much information about as many things as possible, not to mention learn that sometimes in life you just have to do things you don’t always enjoy. But obviously I’m well out of touch with the whole point of  education today.

Yes it’s true that I’ve probably forgotten all of the German and much of the French I learned, and I’m sure I probably yawned my way through 100’s of years worth of mind-numbing historical facts. I certainly hated chemistry with a passion and maths sure as hell hated me. But regardless of that, or whether any of it has been relevant to my adult life, I still had the opportunity to find out a little bit about everything.

So it does seem a great shame that traditional subjects such as English, history, geography and science are being ‘dumbed down’ and so many schools are not even offering core subjects anymore, let alone encouraging students to give them a go? Because let’s be honest, there’s no point studying drama, media studies or sociology at GCSE level if, when you then open your mouth as an adult, you have absolutely nothing of interest to say – or think that the Battle of Hastings took place in 1966 and Asia is a small island located off the south of France.

Obviously there’s no disputing there are countless students who worked like demons and deserved the high grades they received. Or the exceptional clever clogs who passed maths at the age of 6. Or the many great schools which produce brilliant results. But what about the others – the majority that make up the rest of the exam entrants?

There are 10’s of 1000’s of kids who don’t bother listening in class and plenty more who don’t bother showing up until the day of the exam? There are kids who, through no lack of effort on their part, just don’t make the grade. And let’s not forget the huge numbers of badly performing schools which apparently produce consistently poor results year after year?

If GSCEs really are as tough as ever how on earth is it possible for nearly a quarter of all girls sitting exams this year to have been awarded an A, not to mention the 1 in 12 who are also expected to also earn a coveted A*? Doesn’t really add up to me, especially when the average exam-sitting teenager I come across these days seems more interested in straightening their hair, updating Face Book and completing a 140 syllable tweet.

Hopefully next year things will change as the Government look to introduce the English Baccalaureate – a school ‘leaving certificate’ that rewards children for gaining at least a C grade in the five disciplines  of English, mathematics, science, foreign languages and humanities.

The bite-sized modules that pupils can re-sit to boost their overall grades in favour of traditional end-of-course exams will also be abolished and, more worrying for pupils who live to text, those taking English language and literature will now be penalised by as much as 12% for the grammatical errors they make.

My grammar probably isn’t what it should be, but here’s a couple of helpful hints for those currently ploughing their way through endless poetry or The Catcher in The Rye: ‘8’ (as in gr8 or h8) is not an acceptable replacement for any vowel and writing ‘bcoz’ probably won’t win you any brownie points.

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How to beat unemployment

According to the paper I’ve just finished reading, the UK is currently overrun with fresh-faced school leavers, all clutching their 9 A* A-Level results and fighting with 50 other over qualified graduates for the chance to work on the tills at Primark.

Students such as a 19 year old featured in the article, who was complaining that since taking his A-Levels last year he hasn’t been able to get any work. The reason being, he claimed, was because he didn’t have any experience for the jobs he was going on. And he couldn’t get the experience because he couldn’t get a job.

Now no doubt this annoying Catch 22 was true in his case, but recession or no recession, it’s always been this way. Not every employee wants to hire someone, just because they have slept through 3 years of lectures and downed 10 pints of Red Bull to cram for the right results at the last minute. This may seem unfair and frustrating to those at the bottom of the employment ladder, but if it makes them feel any better, it also works in reverse.

When an experienced person tries to re-enter or break into a new industry, despite them having years of knowledge to back up the bluster, many can’t even get a look in. For you may indeed have helped Nasa to launch the first shuttle, or performed open heart surgery on a pig, or run your own multi-million pound business empire, but if you haven’t got a first class degree and a diploma in advanced Tweeting, then you haven’t really got a hope in hell. Obviously it goes without saying you also need to be fluent in both Mandarin and Cantonese.

Of course half the job requirements listed on any recruitment site are 90% wishful thinking. If someone were that qualified and had the experience to boot, then they wouldn’t be scouring the pages of Monster and offering to commute 5 hours for the minimum wage.

In Generation Y’s defense, it probably doesn’t help that the educational system has now been so badly dumbed down that obtaining a degree seems to be on much the same level as getting a gold star in your primary school spelling test. Everyone knows that GCSE’s and A Levels are easier. These days you’ll now be awarded 5 bonus points for spelling your name correctly on the exam paper and 10 points if you use at least 1 full stop. If your beloved budgie died from old age the day before, then your D will of course be upgraded to a B. On compassionate grounds don’t you see.

In the oldish days, your only excuse for missing an exam would be if you were caught under the wheels of a bus on the way to school. Upon the resit, you’d be marked down a grade for not having followed the highway code properly and looked both ways.

Of course no one taking exams these days would ever accept or admit that they are easier, but come on, how can they not be. There has to be some reason that all these kids who can’t talk properly, can’t text more than 3 letters and couldn’t pick out Africa on a map are somehow managing to get all these A* passes.

A great example of this Diploma’s for Dumbo mentality is a new cutting edge scheme that’s just been rolled out in the form of a ‘Using of Public Transport’ certificate – a prestigious award for those students who have completed the incredibly complicated task as catching a bus. I kid you not.

They must first walk to the bus stop. Once there, they must wait for the bus to arrive, board the bus quietly, find a seat, look out of the window and then finally stand up and step off the vehicle. Impressive I know. Who knew the youth of today was so intellectually advanced that they would be able to pull off such an impressive feat. Oh no, hang on on a minute, people have been doing this for years haven’t they.

Now I don’t want to make light of a terribly serious job situation, but here’s a thought as regards to why so many young people can’t get a job. Perhaps it’s got something to do with the stupid subjects and degrees they are taking. Subjects that are surely chosen for the fun factor and not to actually qualify them to do anything at the end. Take Hannah for example, also featured in the paper. Fresh from the hallowed halls of Southampton Solent University, she is the first person to have graduated from a laughing course, with a degree in stand-up comedy. Now isn’t that funny.

Since when was telling jokes on the list of choices at the school careers day? Surely someone is either funny or not, and if they are destined for a career under the bright lights, then they’d be able to do it without 3 years in the classroom and thousands of pounds worth of student debt to their name. Sure most forms of art, from music to drama to interior design are taught and studied, but stand-up comedy. Really?

So if you happen to be trying to decide which path you should take and don’t think that laughter’s really your thing, then not to worry. There’s always the option of spending 3 years studying how to surf, or better still, writing your thesis on the life, haircuts and marital affairs of David Beckham.

One final pointer for anyone hoping to get a job after school – try picking a subject that actually has a point to it. Or if you really can’t bear to study anything too serious, learn how to unblock a toilet. I mean, who ever heard of a poor or out of work plumber.